Dressed to Kill

Can you be dressed for success and dressed to kill at the same time? I’m not so certain the two are compatible. I do know however, that I would not wish to accidentally bump into someone dressed to kill as consequences could be lethal.

Hey man, sorry for spilling red wine on your $9000 Zegna Lamb Suede Safari Jacket. My bad!  

What does dressed to kill actually refer to anyway? Isn’t it somewhat of an obscene  exaggeration when mixing fashion and death? Perhaps. If not today, give it a few years for the PC Police to catch up.

Personally speaking, when I hear the expression Dressed to Kill three distinct images come to mind.

I think of…

… James Bond   … John Wick

and…  

Zombies!

Not the 60’s rock band type of Zombies….

..nor the singer/songwriter type of Zombie. 

Rob Zombie – Rolling Stone

I’m talking about real Zombies! You know, the ones not smelling so fresh, still wearing the same clothes from when they turned? Clothes, not unlike the jeans that teenagers purchase these days for $60 by the way.  

Which brings up a legitimate question. When you see teenagers or zombies walking about, who looks better? You be the judge.

Night of the Living Dead-George Romero

My vote goes to the Zombies. Notice the teenage boy Zombie in the top photo with his shirt tucked in? This, after a night prowling around looking for fresh flesh to chomp on! You can’t teach manners like that. Not looking like you found your Levis in a mine-shaft or dumpster goes a long way to getting an invite over to Grandma’s house for milk and cookies:)   

Back to James Bond and John Wick, both highly successful Agents of Death who dress to kill, with the latter having put to sleep a whopping 299 souls less dressed-for-success than himself in a trilogy of movie making carnage. I’ve seen John Wick in action, and quite frankly, he’s messy!

So that begs the question, why such nice threads when out doing such dastardly deeds, Mr. Wick? You too Mr. 007. Why dress to kill? Wouldn’t it be more prudent in your line of work to dress to clean? Ever hear of casual Friday? Isn’t it much easier to toss away a $10 cotton t-shirt from Walmart than part with a blood stained $175.00 Luigi Borrelli button down collar dress shirt? I would assume.

But what do I know? I don’t dress to kill. As of today, I’ve had no need, or excessive means to pamper my inner fashion sense with the likes of a $16,000 Loro Piana super-soft, double cashmere, jersey lined in exclusive castorino fur sweater coat. As nice as it might be.

And I’m not a slob. I admit it: looking good does make me feel good. I also have to admit that if I were to be taken out by a professional hit-person, I would much rather my assassin show up dressed to the nines, wearing something along the lines of a Giorgio Armani single-breasted light stretch wool suit, or a Valentino 100% Chiffon Silk & Lace Drop Neck Evening Dress.

Better to show up like you mean business, as opposed to showing up looking like you really don’t give a crap what your soon to be victim thinks. I mean really, how utterly disrespectful it would be, for you, a professional killer, showing up to end my time here on planet earth, wearing a $12 bathrobe taken off the rack at Robemart, dirty slippers Jesus would have thrown away, and an appalling worn out John Deere baseball cap?

You’re going to send me back to God dressed like you’re taking your trash out? Oh I don’t think so!

Given the choice, I would much prefer to live, and die, in the lap of luxury:)

Written by T.K.

Chief Editor – C.K.

Disclaimer: This is satire. In no way does W.O.C. condone violence of any sort. 

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