Twitter

When historians look back to reference that point in time where Western civilization officially began its decline, they will have a long list of surreal events to debate over; of which the following three gems could easily be considered for top honors.

This includes…    

• Humans, (i.e. intellectually superior species-supposedly) picking up dog shit after their dogs have taken care of business. Don’t forget the poop prongs when walking the dog!    
• A professional basketball team, from the National Basketball Association, blasting the rap anthem, “Whoop that Trick”… as a means to pump up their fan base and inspire their team to victory. Nothing wrong with self-expression, the artist is entitled to all the success that comes his way. But using the song as a rallying cry for the underdog, with those lyrics? In an arena with children in the audience? For real?
• The advent of 24/7 Non-Stop News Coverage, (Ron Burgundy style), where integrity is tossed to the ground more often than free heroin injecting syringe needles handed out by none other than Uncle Sam himself.

R.I.P. – Unbiased Journalism

No doubt, a case can be made for each one of the above when determining the official beginning in the decline of western civilization, which I will do in my next post, The Contenders.

However it is my opinion that there is another much more far reaching event which drastically altered the trajectory of decency in society unlike anything else. And that is the advent of Twitter, the social media platform, which allows 100 million people the means to brain dump random thoughts, feelings, opinions onto cyberspace, on any given day. Thoughts, which under normal circumstances would best be left unsaid, or reserved for one’s afternoon therapy session.

It used to be in life proverbs such as if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all…or… do unto others as you would have them do unto you, were taken to heart, and valued for their common sense graceful outlook. The advent of Twitter, in the year 2006, took those common sense adages and threw them screaming head first down the stairs of civility. 

Photo by Sander Sammy on Unsplash

Yes, a case for 24/7 “news” as being the more detrimental influence on society can be made based upon the obsessively neurotic negativity that news outlets spew when pumping out more crap than a bull caught binge eating Chalupa Supreme Tacos at The Bell.

However, given that the Media uses Twitter as a news source, or in many cases, as news itself, (i.e. gossip or clickbait), the proof is in the pudding.

The media is so comfortable with using Twitter as a source that it often refers to Twitter as if it were a real person…i.e. Twitter reacts to the new Marvel movie! Twitter can’t react. Twitter is not a real person. Do you mean Bob Twitter? What did he say? I’m all ears huck-huck!

 The media needs Twitter, not the other way around, which makes Twitter de creme de la creme of great inventions pushing society in the wrong direction.   

Twitter, the company name, was derived (I believe) from the definition of the word in the dictionary as it represents the uniqueness of the social media platform in delivering short bursts of inconsequential information. Don’t quote me on that but it seems obvious enough.

What is interesting is that when you combine the definition of Twit,  which is “a silly or foolish person”, with the definition of twitter, you wind up with the perfect imagery souffle …

… a foolish person who delivers short bursts of inconsequential information.

Spot on! Lol.

Well, not everyone who uses Twitter is foolish or irresponsible. I don’t wish to place 300 million people into one sub-human category. Many people tweet for innocent reasons. Which begs to question, can I be sued for libel by 75 million people? That’s going to be expensive.    

Before I get accused of being a loser, a hater, anti-capitalist, anti-free speech, racist, etc… Let me just say that deep down in my soul, and this is speaking strictly from a technology advancement point of view, Twitter is an ingenious creation for the modern world.

The human intellect is almost God-like in being able to take what the universe has to offer and push the envelope of possibility. From that perspective, Twitter, as a creation, is a marvel.

I don’t deny the genius behind Twitter’s creation. Had twitter been invented when I was a teen, hell yeah, I would have loved the opportunity of directly interacting with the superstars of my heyday. Being able to follow, or even interact directly with Keith Richards, lead guitarist and songwriter for my favorite band The Rolling Stones, would have, quite simply been… cool as s**t!

That would have been the plus side of Twitter for me. On the flip side, I probably would have gotten my ass kicked often because Twitter would have allowed my teenage mental health issues to spread like wildfire. I said and did enough stupid s**t without a social media platform. I wouldn’t have handled the power at my fingertips very maturely. 

Today’s generation will not understand my position, but I look back and I sigh with relief that we didn’t have “platforms” when growing up. The idea of “platforms”, on a mass scale, where people can express their God given individuality for the world to behold, is mass narcissism on display. Freud can’t keep up!

And why is it that everyone and their mother needs a platform anyway, as if we are all collectively balled into the same intellectual category as Socrates, Aristotle, or Hypathia, cause quite frankly, it sure as hell ain’t that, at all?

https://www.cantonrep.com/story/entertainment/local/2016/03/30/three-stooges-facts-why-soitenly/32043721007/

To channel my inner Ricky Gervais, take your 15 minutes of platform fame, be happy with that, and get the f**k off the stage! Lol. That will not go over well with a lot of people.

Regardless of not using social media as a means for self promotion myself, I’m not anti-technology. I love the microwave! I also understand there are real needs and uses for Twitter that benefits society as a whole, such as delivering vital communication during emergencies, or delivering meaningful information or entertainment between like minded parties.

The pluses are all fine and dandy with any life creation that the Dr. Frankensteins’ out there create. But be forewarned, after Frankenstein stuns the village residents with a Grand Jete (grand jeh tay) he snaps and goes on a rampage through town.

Giving all citizens of the world the ability to tweet random thoughts, 24/7, is akin to throwing a T-bone steak to a pack of rabid feral dogs, or akin to King Kong having steroid rage. There are no real controls in place to stop the madness. 

Twitter is 4 percent of the entire world wide population, which is roughly 7.7 billion people, progressively stuck in an 8th grade time warp.

Tweeting itself is technology’s take on the outdoor childhood game, King of the Hill. You know the one that teaches the rudimentary principles of capitalism, where the “King ” at the top of a hill, is rushed by an angry mob of socialist youth in an attempt to take possession of the hill and turn it into a communist commune, only to pushed back to the bottom by a superior, if not greedier force/ideology? Yeah, that fun game!    

Tweeting wars in and of themselves are just about one upmanship. Whoever delivers that knockout tweet gets to go to bed at night with just a little bit more sense of self-worth than those defeated souls who dared to invade your cyberspace turf. Sorta like Rock’em-Sock’em Robots with severe in-your-face taunting. 

But the real prize in Twitter World… the real-real prize… is when your tweet goes Viral! Yes, just like an STD. The good news is that tweeting does not require any medication, except perhaps lithium once or twice a day as prescribed by your psychiatrist, for some of the less controlled emotions on display.  

Going viral in Twitter World is akin to hitting the G spot of societal consciousness. Your hands are at the right place (on a keyboard you pervs)-at the right time and bam! You unleash a collective barrage of stuck in the throat orgasmic screams amongst the masses, where none other than the Kardashian sisters have responded with cute little emojis! For real man! The Kardashian sisters! Emojis! Too good to be true.

Better yet, one of the Kardashians retweeted your tweet, making you part of the Twitter in-crowd (at least for 15 minutes). Way to go play-a! You are Twitter famous! You hit the Twitter Jackpot!! It’s like winning a lottery that doesn’t pay you any cash. You get your 15 minutes of fame, but you have zero chance of getting laid.

Btw, as it turns out, Andy Warhol was dead-on, way back in 1968, when he stated,“in the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes.” Nice job sir! 

Now I know what you might be thinking! Who is the Twit writing this, hiding in the shadows,  busting on Twitter World, talking all high and mighty like he is superior to us?

I’m nobody. You could say I’m just a simple man with simple life values. No, not simple as in stupid, simple as in down to earth. I try to be anyway. I’m not superior to anyone…well maybe just a spoonful -intellectually:) 

I get that I might be coming across the wrong way and steppin’ on toes. But if the truth be known, deep down, I’m one of you… that is, if you are an active Twitter Keyboard Gangsta! You bad asses, you.

I don’t have a Twitter account but it doesn’t mean I don’t want one. Being that I can’t bake my cake and eat it too, I do the next best thing: I have my “imaginary” Twitter account.

It’s a place where I go when I run across any human folly seeping out into society; be it stupidity,  or arrogance in tweets.

A place that allows me to nurture my inner diabolical self. Think of him as being like Gollum from the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, when triggered by Precious.   

Let me give you an example of how my inner Gollum, if allowed, would wreak havoc on souls, if I was to unleash him into Twitter-World. I will use one Elon Musk as my target du jour. Ever hear of him?

Now, I have nothing personal against Elon Musk. I have no reason to tweet to him directly, or to tweet about him. He has his life, I have mine. We have never crossed paths and I’m 99.999% certain we never will.

However, one day while checking out the latest news(?), I came across photos of him taken while he was on vacation.

https://pagesix.com/2022/07/19/elon-musk-tweets-free-the-nip-after-going-shirtless-in-mykonos/

When casually passing over the photos, my initial reaction was… hmmmm, not the most flattering photos for one of the most successful men on the planet.

But reason dictates that we are all human, we all have our imperfections, and I’m the last person to be making fun of anyone. Case closed. Move on.  

Not so fast!

I start to hear a little voice deep down in the dark cavern of my soul…. murmuring softly at first then slowly getting louder and louder…

Precious…I want my Precious!

Seems I didn’t get away from the photos fast enough and now I have awoken my inner Gollum! 

I immediately tell Gollum to back down! But no doing. He wants to feast!

I have to remind my Gollum that I harbor no grudge against this particular man and that any Twitter response would most likely be demeaning and absolutely non-beneficial to the overall mental health of society in general.

Gollum, grinning wickedly, responds… but it would be oh-so much fun!

Again, I have to remind my Gollum that I do not wish to be a mean spirited person, plus whoever engages in a Twitter War with Elon usually comes out on the losing end. He is fool proof, seemingly, in not allowing others to get under his skin, while in turn, he loves to use Twitter as a means to poke the cat, so to speak. His intellect is such that he seemingly has no Achilles Heel.

My inner Gollum is not buying it. As a matter of fact he is disgusted that I think so lowly of our-self that we can’t take one man down a notch with our own powerful intellect.

Gollum proceeds to offer some suggestions on how to go about pissing off a man with 

some $271 billion in loose change lying around…

…take a look for yourself.

Twitter-Tweet Attack #1

Warning; Prolonged exposure to Elon Musk without a shirt on has been proven to cause snow-blindness in laboratory rats.

Twitter-Tweet Attack  #2  

Grab your spears damn you! Before he gets away again!

Twitter-Tweet Attack #3

Somebody put Count Dracula back in his coffin before he explodes into flames!

Twitter-Tweet Attack  #4 

F’K E.M.@Casper-out-of-job.com

https://www.previewsworld.com/Catalog/MAR171277

After presenting the tweets, Gollum is beside himself, laughing insanely in my face, begging me to open up a twitter account so we can start out on the path to conquer the world.

I’m not having it.

Maybe Gollum is right, maybe having a Twitter account would be fun. But Twitter brings out meanness in people way too easily and that is my beef with it. There is too much negativity in the media to begin with. Twitter is beyond icing on the cake in that regard. Twitter is icing on all the cakes in all the cake shops around the world.

I guess demonstrating meanness has a certain purpose when having to stand up to serious assholes. But for everyday life, to let people spew their negativity, using twitter like a personal therapy session, is just not healthy for society as a whole. Am I wrong in my opinion?

Personally speaking, I would prefer to deliver my message with a sense of dignity and disarm the beast using logic, as opposed to overt aggression and nastiness. That is just me. I’m not trying to be self-righteous. Tweeting, like eating cheeseburgers, is a personal choice. But so is being nasty. It’s just not my first, second or third instinct.

Humans are an amazingly resilient species. But we all like to think of ourselves as being more important than we really are. Nothing showcases that truth more, or better than in Twitter, where arrogance and meanness thrive day after day feasting on sanity like a 24/7-365 shark frenzy.

In the end, it’s all Twitter crack. It is those who are addicted to spewing out Twitter crack vs. those who are addicted to soaking up Twitter crack and throwing it back in your face. It’s poison either way. It’s societal cancer. It’s a bitter Twitter world…

… and dammit, I want my precious!

Chief Editor – C.K.

The Contenders … coming soon!

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